I’m trying…

I think I am almost totally caught up on past dated blog posts… if you don’t subscribe and you just log in every once in a while… scroll down for a bit and see if you missed anything (Grandma, I’m talking to you!)…

It’s tough, you know, keeping up with this stuff.  But, I do think that it is important.  I’m not destined for blog fame or anything like that (although I am pretty impressed with how many people who don’t know me in “real life” follow along here…) But, I really think that it is valuable for me, and Margot, and for you, dear reader, to have this accurate account of our lives.

Sadly, today, one of the reasons that I am so keen on having this record for Margot is weighing heavily on my mind.

We found out last night that our friend, whose little boy I used to Nanny for, lost his battle with cancer.  His son just turned two years old in March.  I’m not sure what I want to say about it.  This is not my heartbreak.  He was not my baby’s father, but he was another baby’s father.  He was not the love of my life, but he was someone else’s.  He was my friend. And my heart is broken that I will never see him again, but, my heart is broken more for his family.  For as long as mankind has been on this earth, people have been searching for the right words to say about death, and I am sitting here with tears in my eyes trying that impossible feat that so many others have failed at before me.  Because there is nothing to say.

It is awful and sad and heart breaking and unfair and terrible and incomprehensible.

And, all we can do is our best while we are here.

So, I’m trying. I’m trying to keep up with this blog (and the other one… and now, the OTHER other one…).  I’m trying to give Margot the best possible life.  I’m trying to be a good person and a good friend and a good everything.

Because I want Margot to be good and do good.

And I came far too close to leaving her once already.

And I want her to know me.  And to know that I always tried.

To lift your spirits (and mine), here’s our girl, in all her beauty and goodness:

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